Tell Me More: The Spiritual Practice of Curiosity
By Rev. Ethan Linder
"In humility, consider others better than yourselves," Paul writes to the church in Philippi. When we read that, we can tend to think of that posture as very spiritual advice, and very kind guidance – and it is. But it's also true: every person you meet is better than you at something.
But whether because of our pace of life, our perspective on others, or our commitments and distractions, we often rush past other people who have a lot to teach us.
Here are a few purposeful strategies for learning from the people God has put into your life:
1. Plan your questions
Every morning, as you look at your calendar, see who you know you'll be meeting with, and think about questions you want to ask them. It could be about something they're passionate about, or a question about their life experience, or a recommendation about a book to read, or even something silly to break the ice; and you can craft these questions while you're doing something else, like driving your kids to school, making coffee, or brushing your teeth.
Questions can be really specific, tailored to the people you're meeting with. There's also value, however, in building a few questions you can ask anybody you meet. Here are a few of my favorite (more general) questions from friends who've been intentional with their curiosity:
"What's something you're loving right now?"
"Who's an older person in your life you'd most like to be like?"
"How many squirrels would it take to kill you?"
"Where in your life have you been laughing a lot lately?"
"What's your superpower on a team?"
"If you had to do a TED talk on one topic unrelated to your job, what would it be?"
"What's the last thing you changed your mind about?"
"What 3 books have shaped you most deeply?"
As you practice, you'll find you build a repertoire of general questions that expands, and -- more importantly -- a pattern of curiosity in your relationships that leads to greater depth and joy.
2. Build specificity and structure
Most things in our lives don't happen without specificity, an audience, and a deadline. How often have we made New Year’s resolutions like "read more," or "get in shape" that never get done, because we have no process to accomplish it, no person to hold us accountable, and no date by which something specific should be done? (My list is long).
Our first strategy involved learning about the people in your life. This second strategy has to do with building a structure that presses you to understand a subject alongside other people.
You can build that structure in a variety of ways: if you were interested in learning about budgeting, for example, you could build a syllabus for yourself -- assigning yourself specific books, meetings, online resources, and learning opportunities each week, and checking them off as you go.
Or you could just schedule meetings in your calendar that force you to learn.
Three of the biggest questions you need to ask to build the structure are the following:
A) What do I hope to learn more about?
B) When will I do that, and what will my end date be?
C) Who can be my teammate in learning?
After you've decided that, your structure should include the following three key ingredients that you can review each week/month:
I) Resources (books/resources) to engage
II) Relationships (people who can teach you) to commit to
III) Reporting (a time when you'll report on your own learning) to submit
My personal process is to commit to one "ministry competency" per year (pastoral care, funerals, preaching, leading teams, justice/equity) and one "non-ministry field" (architecture, parenting, gardening, car maintenance, coffee brewing) and to report monthly on how I've grown in those areas. Your system may look totally different -- but creating a purposeful system is crucial!
3. Capture your learnings
Our brains are great for processing, but they're terrible for storage. One of the best ways to practice intentional curiosity is by capturing what you learn -- from coffee meetings, books, movies, or accidentally overheard conversations in your local diner. Some people use notebooks or legal pads; others use iPads and digital notetaking tools. Whatever your personal preference, one of the best things you can do is to capture and sort the stories, facts, skills, and quotes you've learned, so you can reference them later as you need to.
These things will stack into a "library of curiosity" that you can reference later on. But more important than the library is the posture you'll cultivate: an openness to learn from the people around you, a hunger to know more about God's good world, and a willingness to recognize the voice of the Spirit in each of the people God brings you to. That's the kind of posture that ages well.
